Impatience, real impatience:
Jumping up and down
Stamping my feet shouting,
“I need to know NOW”
There’s something about having bipolar that makes me impatient. When I’m depressed or manic, I need things to happen right now.
For instance, at the moment, I’m waiting for three significant pieces of news. I’m beyond over waiting to hear back. I’m feeling restless and on edge. I keep catching my leg jiggling on it’s own. I can’t seem to move on and focus on something else. My head feels all over the place.
When I’m depressed, impatience makes me feel emotional. I get stressed, tearful and overwhelmed. In mania, I want to scream out loud – and I do. I’ll get angry and have epic tantrums. This impatience makes me feel like I’m completely out of control. I feel like a toddler that hasn’t learnt to regulate their emotions. At the moment, I would say I’m more stable, but I’m under an unbelievable amount of stress. Stress does weird things to me, and is a trigger for me
Even writing this, I can’t concentrate. It doesn’t feel like my best piece of writing. I’m so frustrated and distracted. Bipolar is complicated, as I’ve said before, it’s so much more than just being happy or sad. There are so many elements to it, all competing with each other.
I think this is the shortest post on here I’ve ever written! This though, is where my head is right now.